I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
