she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
