Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
