i would punch a child for taco bell
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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