Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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