i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
