I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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