He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
