My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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