I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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