Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
