So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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