I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
