I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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