she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
