I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to calm my uterus...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
