just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
