Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
