my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
