I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
