you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
