she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize