I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
