He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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