"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize