i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
