She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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