dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
