I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
