k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
