I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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