I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
