I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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