ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
