Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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