are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
