I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I party with great urgency now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
