Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
