I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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