I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
