Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
