so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
