I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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