I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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