So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
