Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize