dude i'm inner monologue high
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
