I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
