Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
