Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dick very happy bro
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
