were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
