I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
