I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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