Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
