I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
