Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
