Who wears a wallet chain?!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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