I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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