Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize