if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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