How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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