I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
