I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
where are my eyebrows?
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