don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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