____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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