so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
