Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
