So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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