I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
