I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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