You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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